During birth trauma awareness week in August, dozens of women took the opportunity to tell their birth stories.
Psychologist Emma Svanberg collected 75 stories and published them on her site, Make Birth Better. They make for a harrowing read as women recount experiences of being left for hours in pain, being torn apart in childbirth, coping with infections, being ignored by doctors and midwives, suffering from incontinence problems, fearing their baby was about to die, and much more.
As well as publishing the stories, Emma analysed them and picked out five themes. Anyone who has heard women talk about their traumatic birth will find them familiar: A force bigger than me; Heroes and villains; Delivery into parenthood; I had no idea; Make birth better. Together, the five themes give both a powerful account of what is wrong with the way women are treated in birth and a guide to how we can do it better.
Violence and brutality
“A force bigger than me” talks about the overwhelming physicality of birth. This includes things like the unbearable pain, physical damage such as pelvic fracture or bowel problems, but it also includes the sense of violation: “Being stitched up was a violence”, “Everything in my labour felt like a war”, “It was comparable to rape”. Many spoke of actions being taken without consent.
The “Heroes and villains” theme makes for particularly dispiriting reading. Women write of having staff talk over them, of arguing with colleagues, of shouting at them and of ignoring them. It hardly needs saying how distressing this is for women who are giving birth, and already fearful about whether they or their baby will survive. But when a midwife is kind or supportive, that makes an impact too. “I got the most amazing midwife who I remember as my superhero,” one writes.
“Delivery into parenthood” provides a vivid account of the psychological impact of a traumatic birth both on themselves and their partners. They have flashbacks and nightmares; they feel ashamed or like failures. They may feel permanently changed and scarred by what has happened to them. They feel they’ve missed out on the opportunity to form a bond with their baby. For partners, it was the “most brutal thing he has witnessed” or ‘he thought that was going to be the last time he saw us”.
Pull yourself together
The fourth theme, “I had no idea”, recounts women’s feelings of shock at the experience of birth, which they were often ill-prepared for, compounded by a lack of communication from health professionals who didn’t tell them what was happening. Another topic that comes up is what is often these days referred to as “gaslighting”: a deliberate minimising by health professionals of the trauma the woman has gone through: “Dr telling me there was no need to cry”, “she told me to stop wasting time”, “stop making a fuss”, “pull myself together”. In many cases women felt they had nowhere to turn for help.
Finally, in “Make Birth Better”, women talk about what they think women should know before giving birth, and what health professionals and providers should know. They talked about the need to be better informed, without scaremongering, about what birth could be like. They talked about the need for health professionals to keep them informed about what was happening, and to think about the language they used. And they talked about the need for better support after a traumatic birth rather than leaving them to fend for themselves.
I felt a weary sense of familiarity in reading women’s accounts of what happened to them. In the UK, 700,000 women give birth every year. Birth is an unpredictable business, and emergencies can happen very suddenly. It’s understandable that sometimes health professionals have to act quickly without much time to talk. And yet is it really necessary to treat women as if they’re idiots? To argue with colleagues in front of a labouring woman? To perform invasive procedures without asking their consent? To abandon a woman who has been distressed by a traumatic birth and tell her she simply has to get on with things? Calm, informative communication doesn’t require an investment in resources, simply a willingness to treat women in labour as autonomous adults, deserving of normal amounts of respect and kindness.
Until we put women and their needs at the forefront of maternity care, however, then stories like this will keep on coming.